


teen idle || lord of the flies

by marxia



Category: Lord of the Flies - William Golding
Genre: F/F, F/M, Gen, High School AU, M/M, Multi, Other, This Is Sad, can’t think of tags help, heathers refs galore, jack and ralph are a future couple
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-21
Updated: 2018-07-13
Packaged: 2019-04-25 21:19:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 10
Words: 10,860
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14387319
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/marxia/pseuds/marxia
Summary: the island children are freshmen at pacific high school in the 2017-2018 school yeara lot of drama happensjack is like heather chandler smh





	1. bottle blonde

**Author's Note:**

> don’t expect much

trigger warnings - strong language, bullying  
——————————————————————————————————————  
i • dle  
adjective  
without purpose or effect, pointless.

           this is what was written on the board for the english studies period, or just simply called 'english.' piggy would rather give the class the glory of calling it by its full name, considering there are so many classes called 'english,' but the the freshmen were the only ones to call it 'english studies.'  
piggy slopped down on his chair, just getting back from a bathroom break. the class lecture continued, as piggy yawned quite loud, since studying for mid-term finals had him up till' 3AM. it was only second period, one more hour of this class till' lunch. ralph and jack were in the back of the class, snickering to each other and passing notes. this frustrated piggy, considering piggy told ralph to stay away from that boy. he's just up to no good. piggy was soon correct, for when the teacher left the classroom for a smoke break, ralph and jack started to argue almost like a married couple.   
"what's your damage, ralph? are you really saying that i hurt simon yesterday? hell no. i was just playing around."  
"well fuck me gently with a chainsaw. when was the last time you saw simon fucking balling in the guys' locker room? yesterday!"  
"heathers. 1989. you've seen it? that's quite the reference."  
"totally dude! i relate to macnamara on a spiritual level."  
"i see you more like a veronica."  
"and you as chandler?"  
"nah, rather a jd."  
"did you just imply-?"  
"yes."  
and there they were again, snickering and getting along. piggy got mixed vibes from jack. ralph was right, he was quite chandler-like. manipulative and power - hungry. spoiled brat, too. jack's parents were quite rich. 'jack just wants to bring ralph into this whole mess,' piggy thought, hesitantly.   
after class, piggy pulled ralph aside. ralph was confused, considering he was about to go sit at jack's table for lunch. piggy sighed, wondering how he can try to stay calm at ralph.  
"i told you not to hang out with jack. you'll get pulled into the wrong crowd."  
"piggy, it's fine. jack's a pretty cool dude, and fun to talk to. can you please stay out of it?"  
"ralph, i know exactly what you want."  
"what?"  
"you just want to fit in. i get it. i really do, because i want to fit in too. but to go to an extent to where you're going to loose who you really are is way too far, man."  
"goddammit piggy! i just want to be with him. please. he's a great guy."  
"ralph, i get bullied by jack and his gang. i'm just scared you're going to leave me behind, and you might become just like them."  
"oh, piggy, i'm-"  
piggy and ralph's conversation ended when sam and eric walk up to ralph, sweaty and trembling. they proceed to say,  
"ralph! jack really needs you-"  
"-it's important.-"  
"-he seems really frustrated. you should go-"  
"-talk to him quick. see you in a bit."  
sam and eric walk off, leaving ralph to his decision. leave with sam and eric to go talk to jack, or stay with piggy? ralph struggled to move, but eventually made way to the direction where sam and eric went. piggy yelled,   
"ralph, wait!"  
"i'm sorry."   
ralph walked away from piggy, leaving with sam and eric, guilty. piggy's eyes watered, running into the bathroom, and headed for an empty stall. he bawled and bawled, letting his emotions pour out into his hands as he quietly repeated, 'ralph, ralph-' worryingly. he was just concerned for ralph's future, and what was yet to come.

"ralph, i need an opinion from you."  
            "what is it?"  
"what do you think of my makeup skills? look."  
jack pulled out his phone, entering into instagram. he went to his page, and opened up his most recent post, showing ralph.  
"what do you think?"  
"you look like james charles."  
"so, a queen."  
"yes."  
jack smiled a bit, putting away his phone. he directed ralph to a lunch table, sitting ralph down almost forcefully next to simon, and across from roger. simon recently started to get bullied by jack and roger, but mainly roger. simon was basically kicked out of jack's 'clique,' after he opened up about his depression and how he felt bad for the actions he has ever done to make people feel lower than him.   
"do you know douglas?"  
"yeah. what about?"  
"i want his hair. he's honestly so pretty. i might dye my hair blonde like his."  
ralph rolled his eyes at jack. jack really shouldn't be judging douglas by his looks. douglas is a great person, but is suffering through a breakup right now. his girlfriend cheated on him, and he just can't handle it. having 18 million douglas clones probably wouldn't help him. but, roger just had to put in his input.  
"if you dye your hair jack, i have to dye mine!"  
"sure! we can be a group of like, bottle blondes! ralph doesn't have to dye his hair though. it's already blonde."  
"wow, okay."  
piggy came out of the bathroom, and entered the lunch hall. he watched the group of boys, and sat near their table. he noticed how uncomfortable ralph was, shifting around in his seat. plus simon, being the one who is playing with his food. he was annoyed that the group kept on chatting about how they wanted to be bottle blondes. piggy rolled his eyes, scoffing at their level of immaturity. he took tiny bites of his crème brûlée, thinking maybe he could possibly do without ralph. he sighed, before mentally slapping himself. ralph was his backbone and moral support. he was a sweetheart that went with the wrong crowd, that's all. piggy knew he needed ralph back, but didn't know how he could get him back. he stared over at the table of boys, who seemed to switch conversation topics already. they were laughing and joking, unlike most people in the lunch room. most were doing homework or sitting alone, or just talking quietly to one another. piggy wanted to laugh and have fun, but he would get ridiculed if even tried. he sniffed, eyeing ralph. he was about to cry, thinking,  
'i wanna be a bottle blonde.'


	2. conned

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ralph is sad and has bulimia smh

trigger warnings - broken family life, body dysmorphia  
——————————————————————————————————————  
the lunch period was over, and ralph barely touched his food. he usually eats his mom's sack lunch, but his mom isn't home all that often anymore, she leaves in the middle of the night and comes back weeks later. ralph is practically living alone. ralph's dad, on the other hand, is a marine, and got deployed long ago, and hasn't come home in 3 years. ralph recently started to stop eating lunch because of the lack of love from his mother, and didn't eat breakfast because of how early school started. the only meal he ate was dinner, which was really just instant noodles. he lost twenty pounds in the last few months, and went from 110lbs to 90lbs. jack has been noticing the difference, and is trying to ask ralph about it, but ralph just says he's been on a diet. jack obviously doesn't believe him, but jack has non-severe bulimia himself, and can see signs of ralph's slow starvation. jack is recovering, and doesn't want ralph to go down his path. jack is a mythic bitch, but not enough to be a roger or let someone slowly kill themselves.  
ralph threw away his lunch in the giant trash container, and quickly left the room. he wasn't feeling too well. he went to the men's restroom hesitantly, and checked to see of it was empty. it luckily was, and he went into the biggest stall he could find. he went on his knees, and held his fluffy, curly fringe and threw up. god, he hated the cafeteria food. for a few minutes, he just kept on gagging and gagging, regurgitating every bite he had taken in the last few days, forcing all of his food out of his stomach. little did he know, piggy was following him, and decided to wait outside the bathroom, because he assumed ralph was taking a normal bathroom break. piggy started to become concerned after a few minutes, because it usually only takes ralph a few seconds to go to the restroom. assuming that ralph was having stomach troubles, he decided to go in and ask if he wanted any pepto-bismol that piggy had in his bag, always ready. he opened the door, and asked quite loudly,   
"ralph? are you okay?"  
ralph didn't respond. he couldn't respond, or else he'll throw up more. piggy, worried, glanced under the stall that ralph seemed to be in. he was shocked to notice ralph was on his knees, and one arm dangling. his legs and arm looked extremely pale. piggy was concerned that ralph passed out, so he ran over to his stall and crawled under so he could get in. he walked in on a horrific sight, ralph's vomit. piggy immediately went into mom mode, and kneeled down beside ralph, putting a hand on his back.   
"ralph, oh my god, what did you eat? if something bad, please nod."  
ralph nodded. piggy nodded back in understanding, getting up.   
"should i go get the nurse?"   
ralph vigorously shook his head no, and piggy was confused. why would ralph not want to see the nurse? usually ralph is way more responsible than this. piggy bit his nail, caught in an ethical battle. follow ralph's direction, or go get the nurse? he furrowed his brow, looking at ralph's condition. he went back into his kneeling position, patting ralph's back. ralph must have been in a lot of pain. after a minute or two, ralph retracted from the toilet, and wiped his mouth on some tissue paper. he turned to piggy, saying,   
"thanks, piggy."   
"hey, it's no problem. are you okay?"   
"not really. just feeling a bit bad."  
"i've been there, haha."  
"no, i meant emotionally."  
"what do you mean?"  
piggy looked at ralph in confusion. ralph started to lightly cry, sniffling and everything. piggy hugged ralph, telling him not to cry. piggy didn't know why ralph would feel bad, he's friends with the jack merridew. he had a great life, what could possibly be going on? ralph looked up at piggy when piggy released him, and said,   
"i'm sorry. i shouldn't have left you like that."  
piggy was dumbstruck. ralph has never apologized to piggy before, so this was all very new to piggy. in fact, no one has ever apologized to piggy before.   
"oh, baby, it's okay. we can get over that together."  
"no, piggy,- you were right. i just wanted to fit in."  
"see? piggy knows best."  
ralph laughed, wiping a tear from his face. he hugged piggy again, the hug lasting around six or seven seconds. he released piggy, putting his hands on piggy's shoulders for a split second before letting go.   
"i thought i would actually be liked when i was with jack and his gang, but it turns out i just got hated even more."  
"oh, ralph, no one hates you."  
"on top of that, i had no idea how much inside drama i would be in when i entered the group. it's like lord of the flies."  
piggy nodded, sighing. he rubbed ralph's shoulder, before deciding to give him a small lecture.   
"ralph, you're a very aloof and oblivious boy. i used to be exactly like you. but i learned, and now i know much better. you always have to understand, that no matter what, jack is going to be apart of your life now. there's no going back."  
"yeah, yeah, i get that. i just can't understand him and roger. how can they be so mean?"  
"that's just how they are."  
"i thought i was so lucky when i joined their group. they were a living advertisement, that if you were good enough to join them, your life would be splendid."  
                                "there we go."  
                                piggy was glad ralph was starting to catch onto the catch of being apart of merridew's gang. piggy always knew the truth of things, and it was about time for ralph to be the same.  
                                "i don't know why, but i feel conned."


	3. idle teen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> jack and maurice have a deep convo

trigger warnings - mentioned suicide, mentioned rape, disrespect to the dead  
—–——————–——————–——————–——————–——————–————  
           jack merridew brushed back his windswept hair, as he reentered the school building. he had skipped third period to go shopping with maurice. fourth period has already begun, and the hallways were mostly deserted. maurice, worryingly looking around, was trying to grab jack's attention. but, jack's attention was more focused on his thoughts. as for no reason in particular, the word 'idle' kept on being repeated, over and over again in his head. it was almost torturous,   
as jack took the words as insulting.  
            without purpose or effect, pointless.  
            without purpose or effect, pointless.  
            without purpose or effect, pointless.  
"jack!"  
maurice snapped jack out of his trance when he shook him. jack thrashed back, startled. he forgot maurice was even in his presence. he stared at maurice dumbfounded, before regaining his posture. he started walking foward sassily, maurice following not long behind.   
"what do you want? why did you shake me?"  
"well, you were staring off into space, goose!"  
jack laughed, loving maurice's temporary nicknames, reminding him of a middle age woman. jack asked,  
"what's the next class?"  
"history."  
"sucks to history."   
maurice gave a chuckle, assuming this meant that jack decided to ditch history. this also meant maurice can't go to history either, because of course jack needs company. jack stopped in his tracks, surprising maurice. maurice was confused, jack never stops for anything. jack was staring at a girl's locker, decorated with hearts and pictures of the girl, and tons of flowers and notes. it was a memorial, and jack slowly walked over, picking up a framed picture in the middle of a wreath. it was peggy valance, cherry's little sister. peggy was simon's love interest / girlfriend, and jack had no idea she died. jack put down the picture in the exact place where it originally was. he looked over at maurice, who was dead silent.  
"how'd she die?"  
"suicide."  
the word made jack have shivers down his spine. why would a girl as fair as peggy take her own life? jack looked back at the locker, reading some of the notes.  
rip peggy. forever in our hearts.  
you are a beautiful girl, why'd you have to go so soon?  
great friend and student. i miss her.  
piece of shit.  
jack noticed a couple of quite rude notes, as if they were implying she did it for attention, or faked her own death. jack furrowed his brows, turning around back to maurice.   
"why?"  
"she got raped by chad bernstein. he apparently didn't take her non-verbal and verbal signs."   
"feels bad, man."  
jack felt for the girl, but quickly recomposed himself. he opened her locker, staring at dusty personals that the girl owned. yellow scrunchie, photos of her friends. textbooks. quite the brightly colored locker. jack took the scrunchie, and put it in his pocket.   
"what the hell? put that back!"  
"hell no! this is a steal. it's very high quality."  
                     "i- i'm not going to stop you. but that isn't right."  
                     jack rolled his eyes, before slamming her locker shut. her framed picture fell, as jack tugged on maurice's arm, pulling him away from the locker. they made it around 50 feet away, before maurice interrupted, pulling his arm away.  
                      "where are we going?"   
                      "courtyard, garden area."  
                       "okay?"  
                       maurice was puzzled by jack's location of choice, but went with it, assuming there's a logical reason why to go to the courtyard. jack pushed through the heavy doors, making it to the deserted and unattended to courtyard. he sat maurice down, before asking him,  
                        "what's the point of wanting to be liked by others, anyway?"  
                        "so you can get your social status higher. its not like you want to suffer, or anything."  
                         "correcto-mundo. that's exactly why i do what i do."  
                         "what do you mean?"  
                         "if i set fear into others, i get higher. if i'm adored by others, i get even higher."  
   ,                     "-i guess you're right. i mean, you perform that type of act kinda perfectly. but what's the point? you're in high school. that would really only matter once you reach the real world."   
                          "i just like the thrill, you know? like being the mean girls in mean girls."  
                          "that's not a good thing."  
                           maurice frowned, not getting jack's logic. why was jack even bringing this up anyway? he rolled his eyes, throwing a stone in the small, man-made pond. the sound of the rock  hitting the water echoed, which was honestly beautiful. nothing echoed in the courtyard usually, because of how many people there are usually in it. but with only two, you can really embrace the sounds of the garden.   
                            "why are you even talking about this anyway? this is really just making you look bad."  
                            "i'm just confused, i guess. i want to be popular, but i kinda feel bad for it. kinda selfish."  
                             "wow! that's a first."  
                             "how crude."  
                             "you usually don't feel that way. you literally just stole a dead girl's scrunchie."  
                              "i'm-"  
                              "spit it out, silly."  
                              "i'm giving it to ralph. he, uh, could use it. his hair isn't terribly long, but you could hold his fringe back with a scrunchie."  
                               "ralph would know it's peggy's."  
                               "scrunchies are mass-produced. he wouldn't even have a suspicion."  
                               "fair game."  
                               "plus, ralph kinda looks like a fair girl. this would kinda embed it in."  
                               "that's true. ralph looks good as a man and a woman."  
                               jack smirked. ralph really was the prettiest boy in school. very fair, very fragile. nothing can stain him. that's why it was so easy for him to join jack's clique, because of his stunning looks and adorable personality, ralph was a sweetheart. yet a lamb, considering he is quite easy to manipulate.  
                                 "jack, what do you want from ralph?"  
                                 "i don't know. i just use him for his aesthetic."  
                                 "i mean, he's a greta guy. heard he and bill have been hanging out a lot."  
                                 "he's queer. it's expected."  
                                  "this might be a subject change, but, honestly, what do you want? what do you want in high school? who do you want to be? because, i don't understand you in general."  
                                   "-i wanna be an idle teen."


	4. clean

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> jack decided to bully simon today and ralph is having none of it

trigger warnings - bullying, intense conflict, strong language  
—————————————————————————————————————————————————————  
          ralph made it through the day, finally exiting school. he wanted to go home with piggy, but it turns out he had an important dental appointment he was attending. ralph understood, but was disappointed that he had to go home alone. he had no idea where jack was, but if he knew, he would probably go home with jack. ralph wanted to walk home with someone, because in the part of town ralph had to walk through to get home was usually quite dangerous, with frequent muggings. ralph felt bad for himself, barely picking his feet off the ground as he walked. he wondered where simon was, because he hasn't seen simon since lunch. he bit his lip, calling simon on the phone. to no avail, he sighed, wonder what could possibly be going on with simon. ralph decided to brush it off, thinking that simon might've left early. he's done that before, considering his brother would pick him up early to go to the movies or something. ralph continued walking, finally stepping out of the school's main gates. he then walked past an alley, paying no attention until he heard a deafening scream. ralph stopped in his tracks, and turned around to look at the alleyway. there was jack and simon arguing quite loudly, and simon screaming because jack punched him in the face.  
"jack!"  
            "ralph? what are you doing here?"  
            "what the hell are you doing to simon? he's fucking trembling!"  
"he fucking told me to back off!"  
"i-"  
simon tried to intervene, but got smacked again by jack, which just let simon sink to the ground. simon brought his knees up to his chest, and stuck his face in his knees. ralph power-walked over, and tried to help simon up. jack pushed ralph away, which really infuriated ralph. ralph doesn't like being touched in a negative manner, and especially by jack.   
"don't touch me."  
"why the fuck should i not?"  
"because i have a fucking bubble."  
"wow, so you let piggy or sam and eric get close as hell to you but not me?"  
"you fucking pushed me, you moron!"  
"i-"  
jack cut himself off, feeling a bit guilty for ralph, but not simon- take note. simon was fucking petrified, looking up again at ralph.  
"please don't get yourself dragged into this. i'm batty. i deserve it."  
"oh simon, you're not batty."  
"yes i am! yes i am! y-"  
"you're not."  
jack bit his lip, watching the dispute. he questioned himself why he hurt simon, for simon was really just being protective of his friend.   
              "why were you and simon fighting anyway?"  
              "uh-"  
              "i was telling jack not to hurt you, ralph. like he did me. i didn't want you in the same rabbit hole as i am."  
              "i punched him because i would never hurt you."  
              ralph flushed, having no idea they were arguing over him. ralph, having no idea what to say, decides just to go on a long rant.  
              "well, i must thank you both for thinking about me and worrying about me so highly. but, jack, why would you do this to simon? why do you and roger bully him, almost everyday?"  
"we don't bully him!"  
"yeah, ya do! you think it's all just fun and games, mocking his depression."  
"his feelings aren't hurt."  
"sure as hell they are."  
simon nodded, releasing his legs. ralph took note of this. ralph sighed, before looking simon square in the eye.   
               "are you okay?"  
               "no."  
               "oh, shut up, you!"  
               simon ran off crying at jack's remark, and ralph couldn't stop him. ralph looked down in despair.   
                "-i have a scrunchie for you. i think it would compliment your hair."   
                 "the hell? i don't want a fucking scrunchie, from you of all people! you're a bully. you and roger. you two deserve nothing. especially from me. i'm disgusted by your actions."  
                  "ralph! you just don't understand, do you?"  
                  "what is there to understand, huh?"  
                  "i need to hurt and put down these people to set in fear to the rest of the freshmen. soon, in senior year, the rest of the school. the only way i can maintain my status is to make people feel lower than me."  
                   "so that's why piggy didn't want me to become part of your gang, huh?"  
                   "huh?"  
                   "you just want to hurt people. there is no need to hur-"  
                   "yes there is! i just- i just want the older grades or just some jerkish freshmen to leave me alone. if they leave me alone, i'm untouchable."  
                   "oh, jack, please no. you're going against your own word. you have to leave people alone too. they felt the same way you used to feel."  
                   "no, ralph. it's a paradox. there's no way to be popular and not hurt people."  
                   "yes there is."  
                   "what do you think happened to simon? and what will soon happen to sam?"  
                    ralph took a sudden breath in, before storming closer and closer to jack, putting a finger on his chest.   
                    "do not hurt sam."  
                    "fuck you."  
                    the sky turned gray. the sun was already setting, but this really set the mood. rain slowly started to pour down, marking ralph and jack's faces and bodies. jack became tense, stepping back, away from ralph. ralph was breathing heavily, disgusted by jack's words, and his so called 'paradox.'  
                      "you're lucky that none of the people you hurt have committed suicide."  
                       jack ran off, unable to respond. ralph watched him run away, and disappear into the fog. the rain was becoming quite harsh now, soaking ralph's golden hair. ralph slopped down, sitting against the wall, not caring if he's sitting on a puddle or not. he saw the yellow scrunchie on the floor, and stared at it, mesmerizingly. a single tear shed as he reached over for it. he held back his fringe, arranging his hair into an extremely messy ponytail with the scrunchie. he laid back his head, looking up to the second story window of a shop. most likely the upstairs abode of the shopkeeper. ralph's tears came down heavily, letting out only a faint sound from ralph, which seems to be almost a whisper.  
                          "i wish i hadn't been so clean."


	5. all day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> sam and ralph go to the mall.

trigger warnings - bullying, suicidal thoughts, rejection, strong language  
—————————————————————————————————————  
sam was bored- it was a saturday afternoon, and eric was hanging out with jack. sam didn't want to go because of what happened between ralph and jack, and in all honesty, sam was more loyal to ralph than jack. eric is quite the same, but seems to care less about simon than sam does. he decided to call up ralph, considering ralph hasn't posted anything on his story, instagram, or twitter, so he probably was alone too. sam got up from his bed, and walked over to his desk, where his phone laid, 97% charged. he went into his contacts and scrolled down quite heavily until he found ralph, and called him. to no answer, sam called him again, annoyed. ralph always answers his phone.  
             "it's sam."  
             "sorry i didn't answer before. i was in the tub."  
             "hm? oh sorry! i didn't mean for you to get out of the bath for me."  
             "it's fine. i needed to get out anyways. it was just one of those relaxing things."  
             "ooh! which lush bath bomb did you use? petals? candles? books? music?"  
             "uh, think pink, rose petals, voluspa - prosecco rose, lord of the flies, and earth by sleeping at last."  
"ooh! yes queen!"  
"haha, thanks."  
"anyway, wanna hang out today?"  
"sure!"  
"where and what time?  
"uh, how about the mall, and like, now?"  
"sure. meet you at the front gates."  
"alright."  
sam hung up, happy that he found someone to hang out with. he called an uber, which should arrive in around 20 minutes. he walked downstairs and into his closet, picking out a cardigan to wear. he decided on his his favorite, light brown cardigan that he never realized he bought from the women's side of target. he then decided on a light blue button down and navy chino pants. sam was always quite fashionable, trying to wear the best clothes that he owns- all the time. once he got dressed, he went ahead and curled his hair into a blonde, curly undercut. he quickly put on some deodorant and dashed out the door. he waited for his uber outside for a few minutes before it shown up. once they shown, the driver invited him in. sam got lucky, the driver not talking to sam at all for the whole ride. five stars. it only took around ten minutes to get to the mall, and sam thanked the driver before exiting the vehicle. sam waited on the bench for ralph, and it took around 15 minutes for ralph to show up.   
"where have you been?"  
"sorry. traffic near my house."  
"haha. it's okay. you look great!"  
"nah. you look great."  
"oh boy, what is you talking about?"  
ralph laughed a little, before slouching his arm over sam's shoulder. they both walk into the mall, and it took them a few seconds to process jack and his gang were hanging out in the same mall. oh, goddammit. ralph and sam look at each other miserably, before separating. they tried to play it cool, and not draw attention to themselves. but, what had to be done was done.   
"hey, ralph! first time i've seen you not hanging out with miss piggy!"  
ralph rolled his eyes while jack's crew went hysterical. the boys with jack consist of eric, maurice, roger, and bill. sam scoffed, telling ralph to just walk away and not encounter them again. but, ralph just had to strike back.  
               "fuck off jack, i'm not going to your fucking baby shower."  
               jack's crew just laughed, while sam just honestly wanted to get away from this whole mess. ralph and jack started to go back and forth with each other, while sam was genuinely uncomfortable.  
               ralph.  
               ralph.  
               ralph.  
               ralph.  
               ralph.  
               ralph.  
               jack simply laughed at everything ralph said, and eventually spat out,   
              "oh come on! why don't you have a lil' fun every once in a while?"  
               ralph felt reluctant to come along and join in, so he took steps towards the gang. sam was obviously distressed, but ralph had lack of notice. ralph headed towards the boys until sam tugged on ralph's sleeve.  
               "babe-"  
               ralph furrowed his brow, tagging sam along with him. sam was uncomfortable being dragged along in ralph's misadventures, but followed him anyway. 

               it was now 4PM, and the boys have kinda settled down a bit. sam went into the restroom, trying to fix his hair. it turns out it wasn't as bad as he thought it was going to be, and left his hair be. he noticed roger tagged along, but didn't bother him. he didn't notice that when roger was looking at himself in the mirror, he was staring directly at sam.   
                "sam."  
                sam shook a bit, before turning around to roger.   
                "what is it?"  
                "do you hate me?"  
                "no."  
                "you do if ralph does."  
                "why would ralph hate you?"  
                 "because i 'bully' simon."  
                 "well. it's a bad thing to bully someone. i mean, you do call him names and such."  
                 "no i don't! if i do, it's a joke!"  
                 "jokes hurt."  
                 "no they don't!"  
                 "yes they do."  
                 roger pushes sam away, before sam trips a bit. roger takes this as a threat, and punches sam, making him fall to the ground.  
                 "what the hell?"  
                 roger got on top of sam, and started punching him over and over, having a raging fit. sam tried to speak, but the only thing he could get out of his mouth after five punches was-  
                 "ralph!"  
                  ralph heard a cry faintly from the restroom, and was confused on whether he was going crazy or someone was calling him. he stepped in to find roger beating sam, before ralph yelled,   
                   "stop!"  
                   roger ran out of the restroom, leaving sam and ralph alone. sam was crying, sitting against a wall. ralph hurriedly walk over to him, saying,   
                    "are you okay?"  
                     sam nodded. ralph sat down next to sam, saying nothing. they sat in silence for ten minutes, letting sam finish crying.   
                     "what time is it?"  
                     "why does that matter?"  
                     "so i know what's on tv."  
                     "oh, sam!"  
                     ralph hugged sam, for this is a bringing up of one of sam's traumatic experiences in the past that he was reminded of. sam was devastated, embracing ralph's hug. sam realized what he really wanted to do that day, he thought,  
                     'i wanna stay inside all day.'


	6. the world

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> flashback of why sam and eric are now distant.

trigger warnings - flashbacks, strong language, abuse  
——————————————————————————————————————  
           eric sighed. he had no idea why jack would treat sam and himself differently, as they were practically the same person. eric thought of the incident that happened in the somewhat beginning of eighth grade, thinking that jack would have already moved on from that. or would he? jack is a very unforgiving person. but what would jack have to forgive for? oh yeah, uh, emotionally destroying sam. something clicked in eric's mind, for eric's last two brain cells reminded him that he was the one to blame for sam's trauma. he fucking betrayed sam, you traitor. sorry. eric just couldn't help himself to jack and roger's gossip and humour, that he forgot what the acquired plan was. eric decided he needed to remind himself of the situation rather than ignore it. he turned over to his bedside table, and opened up a drawer. he shuffled through his journals until he found his eighth grade journal, which was quite dusty. he brushed off the dust and sat back down on his bed. eric sat up against the bed stand , and sat on his pillow. he flipped open the journal, searching for the date he was looking for. october eleventh, twenty-sixteen.  
            "eric.."  
            "yes? oh, are you crying?"  
            "yeah. i just can't take it anymore."  
            "what do you mean? you have to be a bit more specific."  
             "jack and his gang, they make fun of me so much. they beat me up a lot just because i'm weak."  
             "what assholes. i can take care of it."  
             "what? really?"  
             "yeah, ya goof."  
             "thank you! what are you going to do?"  
              "confront them."  
              "good."  
               sam let out a sigh of relief. eric was a bit more confident than sam, so sam thought the best for him. sam yawned, and wished eric good night before he trotted upstairs to his bedroom of fairy lights, and flopped down onto his bed. he covered himself up, and stared in awe at his fairy lights collection, he smiled, closing his eyes dearly. he soon fell into the deep chamber of slumber, eric peeked into his room. eric smiled at sam, who was smiling in his sleep, before closing the door. eric sighed, going across the hall to his room. he lightly shut the door before sighing, as he was worried for sam's mental state. he sat on the edge of the bed, contemplating on how to confront jack.   
                 sam waked up, realizing that it's already seven thirty and eric probably hasn't woken. sam bolted out of bed, and hastily ran over to eric's room and opened the door. eric has already left the room. sam rolled his eyes, thinking, 'i know it's my responsibility to wake myself up, but he could've checked on me. like he always does.' sam went downstairs and called eric's name out, but to no avail. he called his name again, with no answer. sam realized that eric has already left, and got a little mad. sam got ready quite quickly, and ran out to the bus stop. he hopped onto the bus, and sat in the back. usually jack and his gang would be in the back row with sam, but they aren't even on the bus. this confused sam. it took sam a minute to realize that eric probably left early to confront merridew's gang. sam smiled a bit, hoping this was the truth. once sam got to school, it seemed to look like a regular day. his locker was on the right side of the main hall, somewhere in the middle. he opened it and put his school books in. he sighed, decided to go look for eric. he thought he might be in the courtyard, so he took a few rights before pushing the heavy doors to lead to the center of the school. there, he noticed eric laughing and joking around with jack and his gang. tears began to well up in sam's eyes, as eric almost immediately notices him. sam ran away to the nearest bathroom, and desperately opened a stall. he started to bawl.   
             "the hell is up with sam?"  
             "he ain't grateful that y'all treating him bad."  
             "we ain't treatin' him bad! we just setting him down into our group."  
              "what a bitch."  
              "i say we jump him. teach him a lesson."  
              "isn't that a little too far?"  
               "it's fine. that's what the juniors would do."   
               "alright. let's sick em'."  
                the gang started to make their way towards the bathrooms. eric trailed along, kind of scared of what might happen next. eric is actually quite scared of jack now, and when he tried to walk up to jack was immediately spat on. it was just eric's social skills are what made jack and his gang somewhat befriend him. once the trail of boys reach the reached the bathroom, they peered over sam's stall. eric watched near the door, trying to stop himself from intervening. roger, one of the harsher boys, went under the stall and grabbed sam's legs. bill did the same, but unlocking the door from the inside so everyone could get in. they shoved sam out the stall, and all seven boys started to beat sam senseless. sam's cries were great, as eric just watched. eric felt a little tingle in his eye, as he felt bad for twin. that is what a big brother by three minutes is supposed to feel, correct? sam's world was starting to fade, as the boys laughed and one even started to draw on him. jack scolded him, but it was hard to make out what he was saying. all sam could make put of it was 'that's what you get.' the boys eventually stopped after a few more minutes, and let sam lay there. they laughed, as they escorted themselves and eric out of the bathroom. as they were walking back to the courtyard, jack ran up to eric and grabbed his arm. he asked,  
             "just asking, isn't sam like your world?"  
              eric sighed.  
              "i want the world to go away."


	7. chocolate cake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> roger is a fucking bitch today

trigger warnings - strong language  
—————————————————————————————————————————————————————  
it was a sunday, and roger was scrolling through instagram. he started to notice a chain of posts from different people, including ralph and simon, were at a party. he had suspicions, so he went onto jack's page. he discovered jack's birthday party was today, and roger wasn't even invited. 'why wasn't i invited, when ralph and simon were?' roger was quite upset, and exited instagram. he opened up his imessage, and searched up jack's name. once he found the jack he was looking for, he selected his name and typed vigorously. he sent the following to jack.  
"jack, it's your birthday today. why didn't you invite me? and invite the sad little posers? ralph and simon, really? did you invite douglas too? i think so. apparently you favor the posers? what are you, a snake?"  
roger was left on read for three more dreading hours, wondering in despair. he received a text from jack later.   
"look, it's nothing against you. this is just like a pre-party, okay? you'll get invited to the main one later."  
"what the hell? why can't i go to the pre-party too?"  
"none of your business!"  
"fine."  
roger threw his phone across the room, shattering it. it was his new iphone x, yet he apparently no care for it. he cried in anger, pouting to himself. he whispered slightly,  
"happy fifteenth-fucking-birthday jack merridew."  
roger threw the blanket he owned over himself, hiding under the covers. he couldn't wait till morning, because he was quite ready to confront ralph, who he thought was the ring leader of all the 'posers.' though it was only seven pm, he managed to get himself to sleep soundly. he dreamt about what could've possibly happened at the party that jack doesn't want roger to know about. could he have been talking smack about roger? roger possibly would never know.   
roger woke at around six am, the perfect time for him to get ready for school. he knows ralph usually gets to school early for student council meetings, and has around twenty minutes left to hang out with the other members. those twenty minutes is the time roger had to confront ralph. roger hopped out of bed, skipping down the stairs. he ran into his closet, throwing a modal-silk black t-shirt on with some black jeans. quite edgy, for say. he then proceeded to comb his hair in its usual style, the messy rockabilly. he brushed his teeth quickly, before putting on deodorant, grabbing his backpack running out the door. he trotted over to his neighbor's house, who seems to always be wide awake at this hour. he knocked on the door triumphantly, hoping for an answer. expectantly, his neighbor answered.  
"hello roger! what brings you here?"  
"i was wondering if you could give me a ride to school. my parents are sleeping."  
"well of course young one!"  
"thank you sir."  
roger smiled as the neighbor stepped out of the doorway. the neighbor headed towards his red honda, and unlocked it. the neighbor always has his car keys on hand. he opened the passenger door for roger, and roger stepped inside and sat down. the neighbor made a trip to the other side of the car and sat himself down inside, closing the door for roger and himself. he put the keys in the ignition, turning it hard, and starting his car. he asked roger where his school was, and roger told him it was next to the neighborhood walmart on park springs boulevard. the neighbor nodded, and backed out of the lot. once successfully on the road, sped to the destination. roger liked that. he wanted to get to school as soon as possible, considering the twenty minutes starts soon. after around five minutes, roger arrived at school. he unlocked the door himself, and exited the vehicle. he thanked the man before slamming the vehicle shut. the man waved and drove off, as roger triumphantly marched to the entrance. he hauled the door open, and stepped inside. he got a little nervous, not hearing anyone speaking. he thought that student council would be a bit louder than that. as he slowly crept down the hallway, he started ti hear white noise getting louder and louder just slightly. he figured out they were all talking in the courtyard, and roger ran to the door. he propped the courtyard's metal door open, as he stuck his head in. he spotted ralph talking to douglas in  the far corner, and rolled his eyes. he yelled to ralph to come over, and ralph took a few seconds to notice roger before obliging. but, he just had to say bye to douglas in the most weird way possible. ralph leaned to lay down in the bench, and dangled his head over the side, looking at douglas upside down.   
      "bye babe."  
      "bye goldie."  
      roger raised a brow at the nicknames, but brushed it off when ralph finally got up and powerwalked to roger. once he managed to finally get to the door, ralph asked why roger was here and. calling him over. roger simply replied with a roll of eye, and grabbed ralph's hand. ralph didn't think much of it, because there were a lot of people grabbing parts of his body lately. roger led him to the lockers, and pushed ralph to lean on one.  
        "that was a bit rough."  
        "excuse me? rough? it was rough when jack invited a poser to his party and not me."  
        "roger, you had no idea what happened-"  
        "yeah! because i didn't go!"  
        "ugh. it was not the best night, okay? you would feel better if you didn't even go. it didn't end the way it was supposed to end. one thing just led to another."  
         "what happened?"  
         "i can't tell you."  
         "why the fuck not?"  
         "its super personal! you would tell everybody!"  
         "what? are you and douglas fuckbuddies or something? because that's what it looks like."  
         ralph have roger a look, before running off crying. roger turned and stared, before mentally slapping himself. roger walked over to his locker near the far entrance, and opened it with force, not even using the lock. probably broke the locker, at this point. he scavenged the locker until he found his old, green journal. still bookmarked. it's an extremely ling list of everything he wants, and hadn't opened it in a while. when he did, dust flew out of the pages, and roger coughed snd brushed the dust away. he flipped to the most recent page, and took a red pen out of his pocket. he added 'chocolate cake.' to the list. on the recent page, there are now three things, it reads,  
            'i want  
             blood  
             guts  
             &  
             chocolate cake.'


	8. real fake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> jack and ralph talk.

trigger warnings - strong language  
————————————————————————————————————————————————————  
jack merridew sat still, waiting for his parents to arrive at school. jack's parents usually don't drive him, but his mom and errands to run near the school, so jack obliged. it was monday, the start of the last week of semester one besides mid-terms. mid-terms would be on next monday and tuesday. jack couldn't wait till the two-week long winter break, for he would finally be exempt from this dreaded place. yet, always during winter break jack seems to miss his friends a bit, as most of them have strict parents, or are out on vacation. he loved to hang out with his friends, they gave him a sense of belonging. the only one he could possibly hang out with was ralph or douglas, having not strict, lenient parents, specifically ralph, and never leaving the house, aka douglas. he didn't want to hang out with them at the moment, they're posers, but they always seem to he right. never jack. always them. jack merridew snapped out of his thoughts when his mom told him that they were here. he nodded, grabbed his large satchel and his gym bag which was just his gym clothes. he exited the vehicle, before waving bye to his mother, and her driving off. he turned his head back around to the school, and started walking towards the main entrance. he brushed his right shoulder on a tree that was in the center of the walkway, before looking up at it.   
         "oak."  
         jack identified the tree, having binged a camping show's twenty four episodes last friday. well, at least thats what he thinks the tree is. the show isn't really that educational. jack made it to the entrance, swinging open a heavy door. he stepped in, the door closing behind him. he power walked over to his locker, and opened it. he hung his satchel on the little hook on the door, and placed his gym bag on the last, empty shelf of the locker. he had math class in a few minutes, and he grabbed his geometry book, calculator, tools, notebook and pen and pencil and shoved it all in his satchel. he shut the locker door, and unhooked his satchel and slouched it over his shoulder. he left to his classroom, which was the smallest one in the school in fact, considering you can only fit twenty people in there, max. he took a right, passing by the two science laboratories, the kitchen, the library, before reaching geometry. he opened the single door, to find ralph, piggy, douglas, roger, sam, eric, and others sitting at their desks. jack just realized he was late, and everyone was already here. he sighed, putting down his satchel by his desk, and taking out his books and tools. the teacher didn't seem to notice jack, considering he was only three minutes late. he almost immediately received a tap from ralph, which jack found irritating. he turned his side around, and whispered,   
         "what?"  
         ralph handed him a crumpled note, which jack shrugged. he grabbed the note, and turned back to his seat. he opened it up, trying hard not to tear it. the note read,   
          'hey, can we talk after class during the thirty minutes of passing time?'  
          jack raised a brow, before letting out a sigh. 'what now?' he thought. he turned his head around to ralph, giving him a nod in approval before ralph nodded back. the class was long, talking about triangles, or, well, jack doesn't know. the class was one hour and thirty minutes, and most of the time, jack was doodling tiny sketches on his notebook. he snapped back into reality when the teacher mentioned 'homework,' saying to do pages one hundred through one hundred and two, problems one through seventy five. due wednesday. after the teacher announced this, everyone scribbled down the assignment in their school planners. soon after, everyone got out of their seats and exited the classroom. almost like robots. jack sighed once he exited the classroom, as ralph approached him.   
"hey."  
"hey, ralph."  
"what'd you wanted to talk to me about?"  
as jack and ralph were walking together, they noticed a sophomore boy and girl fighting, pushing, slapping, and kicking each other. it wasn't much, but it was funny to look at. jack and ralph stopped in their tracks to watch, as the guy ripped some of the girl's many braids out. jack chuckled loudly, before ralph said,  
"heard the girl cheated."  
"with who?"  
"seven guys."  
"jesus. who? how old are they? freshmen? other sophomores? juniors? seniors?"  
"one of them's a freshman, three sophomores, two juniors, and one senior."  
"any freshmen we know?"  
"nah, probably one of the regulars."   
"ah."  
"plus, she was talking shit about her boyfriend."  
"what'd she say?"  
"small dick. dumbass. ugly as hell. annoying. probably more."  
"typical fake. let's go."  
jack took ralph's wrist, and tugged him along to get to the door. they made it into a busy courtyard, with people laughing and talking galore. they sat down on the bench near a supposedly oak tree, jack being on the right and ralph on the left. there was a long moment of silence, waiting for the noise to quiet down a bit so they could each have a clear understanding of what each other are saying. ralph turned to jack, and said,   
                "i've always wondered, why are you popular? how did you do it?"  
                "i always feel like i'm the worst so i act like i'm the best."  
                jack shuttered a bit at his answer, before letting ralph speak once again, but nothing came out. ralph was hesitant at firing back, because jack's answer was so genuine and real, he's never been that way before. he was usually so uptight, fake, and rude, but this was the first time jack has opened up like this. jack and ralph were pretty close, but ralph didn't expect to be this close.  
                 "then why are you so horrible to people? being so fake all the time, if you know how they feel?"  
                 "because i'm scared that they would overpower me."  
                 "do you want to be more real?"  
                 "not completely, i guess, i guess,"  
                 "i guess what?"  
                 "i wanna be a real fake."


	9. yeah

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> guys its dark jaLPH

trigger warnings- strong language, implied underage intimacy, sexual assault/harassment (major trigger)  
————————————————————————————————————————————————————  
       ralph sat on the edge of his bed, pondering. the whole day was insignificant besides roger's little encounter and jack's emotional opening. it was late at night, around 2AM, or morning, he should say. late night? early morning? what's the difference. ralph sighed, scooting up into the safety of pillows, which weren't that far away. the bed was a small twin size, the same one he's had since he was ten years old. the boy was starting to grow out of it, his feet usually hanging off the end. it was similar to the one bernstein bears' book he read as a small child, brother bear growing older that his body couldn't physically fit in his bed anymore. that image made ralph laugh, though it was quite deep in a way. beds are a symbol for growing up. a plastic bin when you were first born, then a crib, then a single, typically for four year olds, then the typical twin bed for tweenagers, then the queen sized bed most teenagers his age, at least in his school, slept on. well, at least sam and eric. actually just sam. but that's besides the point, ralph is still stuck in his twin bed and he hates it. it's like a metaphor for refusing to grow up. everyone else is, and they're trying to bring ralph along with them. but he can't. he doesn't wanna grow up into what has become of the socially corrupt teenagers, especially jack or roger. jack wasn't the worst, he would totally cut a bitch, but he has soft spots. he always wanted attention and approval, like a mean girl or a heather. god. he's so cliche, yet not, being the male, freshman mean girl of pacific high school. the older grades respected him, most did. they found him as 'the freshman that's not like the others.' well, the girls say that. they just want a chance to hook up with some desperate fourteen year old. ralph laid his head down on the pillows, having no idea what to do with his arms. it was a school night, and he really needed to go to sleep, right now. ralph sighed reluctantly, hopping out of bed. he lifted the covers slightly, and managed to crawl into them. he positioned himself in the fetal position, his favorite. he closed his eyes, waiting for the release of sleep. right when he falls asleep, his right window opened without warning, then came a crash. ralph's eyes sprang open, immediately sitting up and looking out the window. the window lock was broken. he then looked down to the floor. and who'd guess? it's the pitiful jack merridew. ralph was in shock, scared even. what was jack doing?  
      "jack? w-what are you doing in my room?"  
      jack got up to his feet, brushing himself off. he stared at ralph awkwardly, him being not groomed, considering it's 2AM. he's pale, messy hair, and dark circles under his eyes. he then examined the familiar room, having been in it before. the room was minimalist, but with a few clusters here and there. he stared back down to ralph, saying,  
"i came out to my dad that i was pansexual. he's a homophobe, plus, he thinks being bisexual and pansexual are the same thing. to escape him, i ran to your house. you were close."  
ralph stared in awe. he felt bad for jack, he truly did, but he certainly never expected this. ralph assumed it was just for the night, because he can't handle jack being in his house for over a day. ralph let out a shaky breath, before nodding his head. he made a motion towards the open window, which jack caught onto quickly. he turned around, slamming it shut instantly, which made the loudest noise jack could possibly make. ralph shushed him, and jack replies back with a small sorry. jack quietly walked over to the end of the bed, and sat himself down. to his surprise, ralph got up and scooted over next to him. ralph, concerned, decided to ask,  
"are you okay?"  
jack looked him in the eye, and smiled a bit before looking down at his knees.   
"i'm fine. i just don't know how my dad will treat me when i go back home."  
"well, if he ever does anything to hurt you, please, please call someone. especially if it's physical. go to a safe place."  
"you're my safe place."  
       ralph flushed, feeling complimented. he never has been valued this much in his life. he decided to ask more of a complicated question, one typically would find awkward to ask.  
       "what made you realize you were pansexual?"  
       "well, i like women. second, i like people who dont identify as either, like non-binaries for example. but, there was only one man that i actually fell in love with."  
        ralph, curious, asked,   
        "who?"  
         jack hesitated to answer. he was going to be scared of ralph's reaction, considering what he was about to do could ruin everything.   
       "you."  
       ralph went wide eyed, not expecting that answer. he honestly expected him to answer 'maurice,' considering him and maurice are incredibly close and get along well. ralph looked down at his feet, having no idea what to say.  
       "i'm sorry, i'm str-"  
       ralph was instantaneously cut off when jack's dominant right hand grabbed ralph's face, forcing it to turn towards himself. ralph, obviously confused, was defenseless to the act. his eyes sprang open wide when he was greeted to a kiss from jack. jack was still grabbing his face, and ralph has no idea what to do. after a second or two, ralph closed his eyes. his brain yelled at his body, telling him to stop. ralph obeyed after a hot minute. right when jack was about to deepen the kiss, ralph pushed him away with his arms.   
       "i said i'm straight."  
       ralph's breath was shaking, he feels as if he was about to cry. jack rolled his eyes, as he made a snarky comment.  
      "so is spaghetti. until you get it wet, and hot."  
      ralph misjudged jack. he thought he was going to be kind and vulnerable, and now he just dropped the act and went back into the ways he usually was at school. selfish. ralph shook his head no, telling jack that's just not how sexuality works. jack obviously didn't get the message, as he just pushed ralph down onto his small, twin-sized bed, then landing on top of ralph. ralph cried aloud as jack nibbled at his neck,  
       "get off me! please, oh god!"  
       ralph kicked jack off him, which caused jack to fall off the small bed. jack immediately sprang up, scratching his head. he realized what he just done to ralph, who was sobbing into his sheets. he bit his fingernail, before saying,   
      "i-i'm sorry. i didn't mean to hurt you."  
      ralph sat up, struggling to breathe as he wiped his tears away. he brought his knees to his chest, leaving him in a vulnerable position. jack sat back down at the end of the bed, and struggled trying to explain himself.  
      "i'm sorry. i didn't mean for this to happen. i wanted to explore my pansexuality in a way that wasn't right. i'm sorry. i know this might be awkward to ask, but may i? can i? i know you'd say no, but, i just need to let myself go and my emotions out."  
       ralph looked at the back of his head. ralph's tears were starting to dry, as he hesitated to answer. ralph is straight, and will always be straight. sexually, at the very least. he could be biromantic if he really wanted to be. plus, he felt bad for jack. his father's harsh treatment is just too much for a boy his age. after a long, silent five minutes, the guilt sank into ralph. he caved. he just wanted to make jack happy now, and he wasn't thinking about himself.   
       "do it."  
        jack, in shock, turned around. he didn't expect ralph to actually go through with it. he smiled a bit, before crawling over. he cupped ralph's face, kissing him. ralph let it happen, and if he didn't put in much effort himself this would probably be over soon. jack slowly let ralph to lay down, snd once finally fully laying on the bed, jack broke the kiss, and asked,  
       "are you okay?"  
       "yeah."


	10. teen ide

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ralph attempts suicide.

trigger warnings - strong language, death of a loved one, child suicide attempt  
————————————————————————————————————————————————————  
winter break was about to end in just four days. it has been four weeks since his encounter with jack, and three weeks since the mid-term finals. ralph luckily got high b's on his history and english mid-term, and is still anticipating the grade for his science. he was luckily exempt from his math final since he has a high a in math. there was much buzz during the mid-term final, about the stupid lie about douglas being gay. jack, the obvious idiot as he is, leaned over and told roger. the girl behind them, madison, told her best friend after the mid-term final was over, isabella. it quickly spread, and before you know it, over fifty people were gathered by the classroom door waiting to talk to douglas. it was a terrible disaster, him trying to tell everyone he wasn't gay and that it was just another one of jack's elaborate schemes. ralph never believed a second of that rumor, considering the private drama between douglas and his girlfriend, and all signs leading that douglas was straight. ralph hated the fake drama made by jack anyway, it just wasn't fun for the victim at all considering people would be asking them about it til' they graduate.  
ralph made his way to henry's flat door, which was on the god-awful top floor. ralph had to deal with it, though, considering his parents aren't that rich and that displays considering henry has a burner phone. he knocked on his door, waiting for an answer. the door opened mere seconds later, as henry greeted ralph into his home. the flat was quite well put together, very tidy. he was only at henry's flat to get some keylime pie, considering henry's mother is excellent on making those pies. plus, you can only get store-bought keylime pies or bars in florida. ralph walked over to the small kitchen, where his keylime pie awaited him in a small brown bag. ralph thanked henry over and over, as he picked up his keylime pie. suddenly, he put it back down again on the table when he felt like he needed to go to the bathroom. he asked henry for the bathroom, and he was told down the hall to your left. ralph nodded, hurrying down the hall. once he arrived at the door, he received a call from his mother, which isn't often. this confused ralph, considering his mother is one of her periods where she's gone for a few weeks or so. he stepped into the bathroom and picked up the phone, wonder what it could possibly be about. it opened to his mother's shaky voice, exclaiming that ralph's grandma has passed away. ralph hung up the phone almost immediately in shock, as he shut it off and out it back in his pockets. he didn't need to go to the bathroom anymore. ralph's grandma was ralph's best friend, and an actual parental figure in his life. she was there when his mom wasn't. now she's gone forever. now ralph is truly alone. he knew henry's sister, who happens to be douglas's girlfriend, has anxiety pills in the bathroom. henry called ralph's name, asking if he was okay considering he was deathly silent. ralph power walked towards the cabniet that held the medications, and grabbed henry's sister's pills without hesitation. he stormed stormed out of the bathroom with the pills discreetly in his fist, as he powerwalked out of the flat. henry was trying to stop ralph, as he's forgetting his pie, but ralph didn't care. he slammed the flat door shut, and ran home with tears welling up in his eyes.   
      ralph reached his one-story house, as he barged in and ran to his kitchen. he turned a few counter corners before reaching the fridge, which held many alcoholic drinks. ralph aimed for the half empty bottle of vodka. he grabbed it and slammed the fridge door shut, which actually shattered a glass bottle inside by ferocity of knocking it over.  
      'are you afraid of me now?' the voice thought.   
      ralph hesitated a bit, before bolting to his bedroom. he flopped down onto his bed, as he took a handful of pills and downed them with alcohol, and kept on repeating the process over and over until he ran out of pills. he took great deep breaths as his stomach hurt, and his tongue and throat burned from the taste of alcohol. ralph shook, as he eyed the vodka. he popped the cap open again, as he put the opening to his mouth.   
       'run away with me now.'  
       ralph downed the rest of the vodka, as his face turned red. it was so terrible.  
       'i beat you in the race again. you are in control.'  
       ralph threw the bottle down on the floor, as he shivered. it was so cold. he covered himself with his royal blue blanket, covering his head. he knew if he closed his eyes, he may never open them again. and that's what he wants after what just happened and everything that happened in this godforsaken school year. he closed his eyes.  
      'do you feel it?'  
—————————————  
        ralph opened his eyes. it was in the middle of the night. nothing happened. ralph was okay. ralph sobbed, hard, screaming into his pillow. he's such a failure that he failed his suicide attempt. the voice failed him. everything failed him. including himself.  
       "get me away. away from this place. can you take me now?"   
       he sobbed, stuttering, as he kept on crying into his pillow. there was a knock at his door, his mother. fuck that whore; she never comes home and she only comes home in the case of an emergency, hours later! she has no control. ralph yelled for her to fuck off, but his mother came in anyway. the first thing she noticed was her bottle of vodka on the ground, completely dry, and an empty bottle of pills. ralph's mother knew exactly what happened twelve hours ago. she slowly approached ralph, and sat on the end of his bed.   
       "sweetheart."  
       "go away!"  
       she sighs.  
       "i know what you did. i'm sorry. i may not know what else could be going on besides your grandma, but sweetie, please, oh please, don't become a suicide victim. that will be your legacy forever. don't do this."  
       "then what am i?"  
       "whatever you want to be. but not this. not what you were going to be."  
       "wish i’d- been- a teen- teen idle.”

idle  
[adj]  
without purpose or effect, pointless.

**Author's Note:**

> told u so


End file.
